How We Honor Ourselves
This is a lengthy post so bare with me.
I was always involved in sports (never considering myself an athlete) in retrospect I was. I ran track & field (hurdles specifically, men’s hurdles (they’re taller) were my favorite and I was good at it. I played basketball, golf, swimming, weightlifting, running, kickboxing, TRX classes, boot camps, cross fit (I tried), any cardio basically. These photos map out the last decade of my life where the majority of these activities took place, in between I hit a point where I stopped doing anything had terrible eating habits and my health went haywire. I got serious after that and dropped weight and was in the best shape of my life. I have to be honest even at my fittest I judged myself for not having flatter hips for the pooch showing when I’d sit. I was healthy physically but I was unhealthy mentally. I was so hard on myself for not looking a certain way.
This goes out to all girls or women out there. Every woman I’ve spoken to at any age or phase of life judges their body and speaks poorly of themselves. We all utter the words in similar form, “I still have x amount left to lose. If I just lose x amount I’ll be happy. I just wish blank on my body looked like blank.” It’s rare to find one that doesn’t. We’re also guilty of playing mental games with ourselves and those around us. For example, if I mention my insecurity then others will make me feel better by stating it’s false. The fishing for compliments (Not all do it with that motive or intent but it happens).
Life gave me the biggest lesson last year when my back went out and unconsciously I had been destroying my spine. When your husband finds you on the bathroom floor because you can’t get up you know it’s serious. How could this be happening? I did everything to maintain a healthy lifestyle. The truth is I was not listening to my body, NO PAIN NO GAIN became my motto. Well all those years of “powering” through caught up with me. It became a vicious cycle the doctors and surgeon warned me about: not being able to move meant weight gain and weight gain meant more pressure on my back. All of that took a toll on my mental state and found I was comparing myself to my old body. I slowly learned to let go of that comparison, life was different then and so much had changed up to this point. I had to let go of college Cindy, the person that caught a few zzz in the car before classes, had three part time jobs and had the energy to go to the gym at midnight.
This year I set out my intention to stop the negative self talk and continue working on healing. In my thirties, I have learned there is more to me then my pant size. I have learned to stop idolizing or feeling motivated by fitness gurus. I am a Latin woman with curves meaning I have large hips that will never shrink down to my “ideal” look. My posterior will never disappear it will rise and drop depending on the amount of activity dedicated. The days of mindless running and weightlifting are over, nor would I want to put myself through that again. Almost six months post-op and I have slowly been working on functional movement via barre3online workouts. I can feel a difference and I’m proud of the small victories. Being able to bend down a bit further, the ability to listen to my body and rest when my body needs it are what my life consists of now and I’m happy I’m getting to this place.
Maybe it’s my age but I hear and see so many expecting mothers judge themselves and other women so harshly for not looking a certain way even while carrying and growing a human inside. The ideal image of a fit belly because it looks “cute”. It truly is a tough thing to let go of complete control of your body changes. STOP being so hard on yourself. Allow yourself to heal, your body went through trauma. Society and media put this idea in women’s heads that they need to bounce back right away because god forbid you allow yourself to rest after a human came out of you.
Social media plays a huge role in preying on perfectionism and many times we do not realize how truly damaging that can be. We’re constantly being sold on this ideal lifestyle that we need more in order to feel that we’re thriving. YOU ARE ENOUGH. What happens when you lose the weight and reach your goal but still feel unhappy? Happiness is internal work and finding a balance that works for you. Love yourself woman you are a strong person. Women are strong and let’s face it…
Who run the world?
Love and Light